What's The Problem?
"I don't believe one grows older. I think that what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates."
— T.S. Eliot
We all have problems. The irony is, we can often see other people's problems a lot better than we can see our own. And so we may have no idea what the solution is, let alone the real problem.
Here's an example. We see daytime television, that vast wasteland of the mind watched by millions, where ordinary people discuss their problems and look for solutions. A couple of typical ones: "I'm jealous of my mother's boyfriends." "I have three children by different men; and my boyfriend, who is the father of my youngest baby, is seeing another woman." "My daughter of eleven dresses too sexy for her age." You have to step back and ask: what's wrong with this picture? Is the problem really jealousy, infidelity, being able to prove paternity, inappropriate behavior? Or is the real, underlying, problem something else, something more fundamental?
We are not here to judge anyone. Each of us acts with the awareness we have, within the limited constraints of negative programming, habitual behavior and conditioning, and social pressures.
We all make mistakes. We all have limitations. The problem is not being able to see those limitations, or those mistakes, for what they are.
The underlying problem is often the lack of awareness, the inability to see the Truth for what it is, which leads to poor choices. We commonly experience problems and usually either accept them or live in denial, neither of which solves the problem. Think about it. Do we need to get "more excited" about our lives, or more responsible? Do we need "more passion," or more clear thinking? More behavior modification, or more connection with the state of Being which underlies all of our choices and actions? More of what we want, out of ego or emotion, or what is right?
Those who have a problem are usually the last ones to be able to see it for what it is. If they could see the Truth, and accept it — and change — they would not have the problem. Hence, the great value of another perspective. Children simply do not have much perspective on themselves, and therefore need guidance. And, a father can provide another, different, valuable perspective, if he is there and if he is able to. In our society, today, much of the time he is neither there nor able to provide any necessary correction. Adults have their own problems, and tend to accommodate their own wrong thoughts, feelings, and desires. People largely live for ego, ambition, and self-interest, even if they have children. And they often cultivate the same false values of ego, desire, and self-gratification in their children. But, children inevitably suffer when they are not raised properly. They need direction, guidance, and correction. Today, it is all too common for children to get whatever they want from their parents, to manipulate or control their parents, from the earliest age. Family relationships have been reversed or destroyed.
This is why we, as a society, are at a point where a single, unwed mother, who has three children by three different men, can only see the "problem" — her latest boyfriend seeing other women — as a problem that he has.
She is unable to see, acknowledge, or comprehend that she has the same wrong behavior, programming, or social conditioning. She is making bad decisions, which do not honor or respect her self. The real problem is a lack of true love, guiding wisdom, conscience, awareness, self-respect, or perspective on her self. And, in a society as wrong as the one we live in, no one is there to tell her that. (Of course, there is apparently an endless lineup of people willing to take advantage of our weaknesses or lack of awareness, and help us to see no wrong in ourselves.) Lack of awareness combined with doing whatever makes us feel good, is a very slippery slope — and the rich and powerful are as likely to rush down that path as the poor and disadvantaged.
Few of us are willing to look at ourselves or our choices as the cause of our problems, or broaden our perspective, or see the traps and pitfalls in our lives for what they really are.
Instead, we often not only accept them, we may take pleasure in them. Again, we are not sitting in judgment on anyone. We are merely pointing out that a person who has a problem, who is in the problem, is often unable to see it or deal with it properly; and, someone who is not in the given problem can see it with a different perspective, and may be able to see the underlying cause or possible solution. read more ...
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