Sexual Identity
"One should be just as careful in choosing one's pleasures as in avoiding calamities."
— Chinese proverb
Have you ever felt a longing, a desire to feel more complete, more whole? It is important how you choose to identify your self and your needs — it defines who or what you look for to complete yourself. Many of us look to others, to find what we feel we are missing within us. In other words, our relationship to others is based upon who we feel we are, inside, and what we feel we should have more of. It identifies what we feel we are missing, more than who we really are. Most of us suffer from a loss of self, to one degree or another.
There are, as hard as it may be to believe, ordinary people (not prostitutes) who have had thousands of sex partners. They label that "success." At least one "celebrity" claimed twenty thousand. We ask: "What did this person get out of it? What did he learn? What did it all mean?" The answer is, of course, nothing — nothing good, that is. It is impossible to find your self in your sexual identity, your ego, or your sexual role playing. None of that is really you.
If we do not really know who we are, we do not really know what we need, on a deeper level. If we want to feel good about ourselves, we usually do what makes us feel good. But that is often delusory: what fulfills us in our lives is not necessarily the things that produce physical pleasure or even emotional satisfaction. Usually, the more we seek happiness, love, approval, and completion outside ourselves, the less we realize is in us. We may become needy and dependent upon others for our sense of satisfaction with ourselves; even worse, we learn to act towards others as they want us to, fearing rejection, abandonment, or loss of their approval. In any case, what we really want — and need — has to be found within us, not in someone (anyone) else. We need to learn to be true to our selves, and find a deeper sense of who we really are.
Our society — and our friends — encourages us to look for fulfillment in the wrong places, especially in things (or people) that cater to our egos, emotions, and bodies. Of the many ways we may try to fill a lack or emptiness within us, "pleasure" is one of the most meaningless. Pleasure is not happiness. It is a poor basis for making choices in life and relationships, and is the premier excuse of every addiction. Sexual pleasure is merely ego-emotional-physical gratification, not an inner awareness of what is actually right, good, or true for you. The real problem with sex is not "getting enough," but learning to live with less. You do not die from not having sex, but your ego-emotional-sexual addictive nature might. It is called "withdrawal." What matters more is discovering and expressing your spiritual self (the qualities of true love, wisdom, honesty, peace, power, perseverance, and glory of the spiritual being) and overcoming every self-negating and wrong influence in this world — including false programming, social conditioning, ego, emotion, sex addiction, and so on. And, this is why egotistical "pride" in human sexuality is not the answer to your problems. The more ego you have, and the more behavior you engage in to reinforce your ego, the less room you have inside you for true spiritual qualities, conscience, and Light. read more ...
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